As I was turning to CNN after watching Bill Mahor, the first notice I heard was "Walter Cronkite has died at age 92." A tear fell down my cheek.

He had retired two years before I was born, so he was not part of my evening news custom growing up. I am a Dan Rathers baby - LOL. But as I went through school, his name, clippings and statements were a constant in the modern American History classes. He was a legend who defined the epitome of an American journalist. His standards of class, directness and credibility are no longer a part of American news. His most famous broadcasts are still shown regularly because the quality that his delivery spoke to the average American.

It saddens me that the news now is not simple and honest as past productions are viewed nostalgically by eyes that were not there for the experience, but can feel the emotion of the time through his voice, his eyes and his words. We, the younger generation, learn so much of 20th century experience from him. I can only pray that this will continue to occur in classrooms and lecture halls across our great nation.

My mother cried when she called me to see if I had heard the news. To her, he was like an uncle filling her in on what was going on during his travels when she was young. He helped her shape her mind regarding the assasinations of the Kennedy's and Martin Luther King, the Moon Landing, the hoopla of Viet Nam and many other major issues and events as he did for so many others.

This loss is a great American being laid to rest. I could not let this moment pass without expressing my reverance and sincere bereavement knowing that we have lost another Great American. It will take a great reporter to fill his legacy. May he rest in peace.
Thank you for listening. I needed to express my condolences.

Courtney

Lt. Don Choi is a West Point Graduate and Veteren of the Iraq War. On Tuesday, he will face a panel of Colonols who may discharge him for nothing other than stating he was gay. The actual charge is “moral and professional dereliction” under the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. Right now, one of our courageous and dedicated servicemen is requesting our call to arms. To date 141,262 Americans have signed a letter of support for Lt. Don Choi at www.couragecampaign.org. I myself have signed in support of this brave soldier and have written my commentary below. All that is required is your email address and zip code. If you chose to give your name or leave a personal note, it is completely up to you. All signatures and letters must be received TONIGHT! I was only made aware of this today. Please forward this to anyone you know. Thank you for listening.

Those who choose to sacrifice their lives for our country should be loved and supported. For every missed Thanksgiving and Christmas, every birth and birthday, every death of a family member is a moment in their life they will never get back. And there are the chosen men and women who God takes at war that give the ultimate sacrifice.

I did not choose to go into the military because that is my right in this country. Men and women like Lt. Dan Choi fight for my right to choose to join, my right to choose to speak and quite frankly my right to choose. I believe it is my civic duty to support them in their right to choose as well. I cannot, nor will not, choose the sexual preference of any human. Male, female, civilian or military we each choose people to surround ourselves with that we call loved ones.

Provided this does not breach ones ability to protect our country, fellow service men and women, I ask what does that specific choice of their private life have to do with his service to our country. Furthermore, the armed forces fight to protect our civilian rights to love whom we choose, to have sex with whom we choose. They die so we no longer go to the days where black and hispanic men hang in lonely trees. They fight so that we are not invaded by countries who believe that the female genitalia is removed so that women will never know the joy of making love to her lover. They fight so we do not have coups where young boys are forced to watch their sisters being raped and then shot for witnessing the travesty.

I have the ultimate respect and loyalty for those who protect us and keep us safe. Please do not discharge this or any other officer for their personal sexual preference. Honor them for the honor that they bring to our country. Honor them for being our beacon of light in the dark. To not allow them the rights they dedicate and sometimes sacrifice their life for is the real abomination.

Most Respectfully,

Courtney E. Mc Millan


Water is soft, fluid and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong. ~ Lao Tsu

Long Time - No Blog

Hey there -

I know that I haven't blogged in a while. On 11 May I had half of my thyroid removed due to a suspicious tumor. By the grace of God it was benign, but quite the scare. I have since then been recovering (if that's what you call it). On 3 June, I received the ok from the ENT who did the surgery. On 5 June, I found out that I need another MRI and possible open back surgery. Yay. I'm oh so excited. I don't know if this is the fibro or if I am just falling apart. I am exhausted all the time. My face is grey and my eyes are black. I am not a happy camper and haven't seen the sense in putting all of this bad juju out there. I understand the venting and yayaya, but I have been beyond crabby, beyond angry... just beyond.

So, I am going to sign off now - because I have nothing worth saying to say right about now. I haven't forgotten about the blog though.

So for now,

Courtney

P.S. One good thing has happened... After 4-1/2 years, Robert finally said he loves me (to my face)! For once, I was speechless.

Hump Day - Oh Yay!!!

Hi Friends,

Today was actually a pretty cool day. I had some unexpected news today when I got the mail. I'm not going to elaborate, but it was one of those moments where you are excited, happy, relieved, disappointed, angry and confused all at the same time. Too many emotions, too much energy. So, knowing I would pay for it later (and I am) I took my pain medication early and had at 'er with the rake. I wish I could have raked the whole yard (I was out there for 3 hours, I wish I could move that fast), but I got a quarter of it done. I even found a dead rabbit...lol. But it felt wonderful to feel the sun on my face, get dirty and sweat a little. I guess God made dirt and dirt don't hurt. I like that philosophy.

As I was working in the yard, I noticed there were some weeds to be picked. So I got down on my knees (and anyone with fibro knows, that can be a job sometimes) and dug them out. When my hands felt the earth, it felt as if half of this excess refuse that had filled me up went right from me and grounded itself into the earth. My confused feelings and emotional eruption ended and I felt happy. I was so happy I was giddy. I had a doctor appointment to go to and I didn't care less what was happening because I was so content. At first, I thought to myself, is it the medication... Then I realized I was sore, tired, sun burnt and smiling.

The doctors office didn't even kill my mood and I had to discuss scheduling surgery. Why is it when you have FM, everything leads to surgery and then ultimately cancer? That thought bothers me greatly, but then again I know what's gonna happen at the end so is it really something to be scared of? But I am going to be seeing Dr. J. Blank. He was a darling man. He has such striking blue eyes. I probably didn't mind receiving the cancer lecture because I was drowning in his eyes. Whew!!! It was like looking into a deep blue lake on a warm, sunny, calm day. He was very relaxing to be around and actually talked to me like I was human. It is such a nice feeling when you see a doctor (and with FM you see more of them than family) that actually sees you, too.

I then proceeded to reiki with Rev. Lori Harris... SHE IS AWESOME!! Obviously that went well...

Then I had a conversation with my landlord who I believe is an angel sent from God. As I am going through some of the hardest times I will ever face, he never fails to be kind, patient and loving. How can a landlord of all people be loving? Most of the time I am nervous he will evict me for something stupid. He just reminds me constantly that God has his hand on some people's shoulders and those people are here to guide us through the darkness that we face. The question is, how do I repay it? When I asked Greg he replied, when you are in a better place I hope that you return the favor to someone who needs your help when you are able to give it. I thought, that is an incredible interest plan. I've always tried to be a good Christian and have met many that say they are mainly because they go to church and keep up with their Bible studies. His acts of kindness and compassion are more than I can count and will stay in my heart forever. He is an example of how a great Christian acts. I love him for that and I love God for placing me under his wing during this complicated time.

Have a Joyous Day and God Bless!

Courtney

Another Day...

Hello World!!

What can I say about today. Nothing special happened, but nothing bad happened either. It was quiet... that always makes me nervous. It is like watching the calm before the storm.

My fibro was allright today. For the most part it was just back pain and leg pain. But what's new about that. It seems like a glass half empty attitude and maybe it is. It isn't much to complain about is all.

I spent most of today sleeping (mainly because I was up until 9a) and then I watched tv, played way too much music and now I'm tired again... yee ha.

Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will be more interesting...

In the Wee Hours of the Morning...

Hello Friends!

I have had another sleepless night. I went to bed at about 9:30p and have been awake since 2am. This has been completely distracting. I have spent the wee hours of the morning playing on my computer to distract my mind from the pain, hoping that I would tire myself out. To my chagrin, I am still wide awake!

I have had CNN on in the background, listening to the tragedies of others. I am thankful that I am not in a hijacked plane with a psychologically distressed man in Jamaica. I am also glad I have never posted an ad on Craig's List. That poor woman.

The sun is rising and I have not yet fallen... How many days a week can I sing that tune? LOL. I am sure as soon as I do find my bed, the phone will ring or some other distraction will come about. My body is at full alert with the weather, but I am actually happy for the rain. I am hoping for a cool summer, but mother nature will not be on my side this year.

It is time that I log off and find something... relaxing to do, I guess. Maybe, just maybe, my sleep will come soon.

Have a Jpyous Day and God Bless!

The First Blog

Hello World!



I have always been a sworn enemy against blogging, but lately I have experienced a change of heart. I want to reach out and touch those that are experiencing similar situations to mine. I have fibromyalgia. Three words that are liberating, limitating and incredible.



To me it is liberating, if only for the simple understanding of the unexplainable. The unexplained pain. The unexplained isolation. The unexplained expression on people's faces that simply reads, "What is fibromyalgia and is it real?" For those of you who do not know yet... It is real!



It has limited my life in an unlimited world. There are days when I am metaphorically chained to my apartment. Life is supposed to be limitless and I can barely do my laundry. I am not the only person in this world suffering and if we can connect - I want to blur the boundaries of our limitations and together discover what we can accomplish. I want to shatter the ceiling the medical community places on our "chronic pain disorder".



Incredible. That is the only word that can even give emphasis to the span of emotions that I feel about suffering from this disorder. Incredible is what I feel when I am in my glory and experience a moment without pain, without fear, without complaint. Incredible is how I want people to feel after they read my blog, when they share their own moments of triumph and together we can discover how to conquer this blasted syndrome. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be easy to get there, but together we will reach it (not only in one piece), but as a family.



Please post your feelings, good or bad. It is all part of our journey and I want to share it.



I cannot wait to hear from you!!!



With all my love,



Courtney